Script Review: [Commie] Kimi no Iru Machi OVA – 01 This entry was posted by brainchild.
The Kimi no Iru Machi OVA and Commie? Sounds like a recipe for rage.r/a/ge level: 110/100. See above. Honorifics are translated or removed.
This line would’ve benefited from a colon.
Damn straight she did. Now if only they’d stay together in the manga. I love how these lines work to set up the character’s frame of mind, just to have this girl completely blow him away. Speaking of blowing him away (not sexually, dammit), “but she completely blew me away” would’ve worked, too. It totally fits the spring theme the OVA has going on. These lines still work, but you know, it’s something that I think would add a lot of depth to the subtitles.
A beautiful line. Maybe this should be italicized, though? I think this is in his head.
I’m not sure how the wind can blind you. Should it have been blindsided? Or, “The strong wind took me by surprise, …”
There’s nothing wrong with the original, but that doesn’t mean it can’t be improved. I have an idea that would add a sense of urgency, which is appropriate for what is about to happen: “Looks like it’s coming down to the wire.”
What I liked:
The script had some very inspired lines as I’ve noted above in addition to others I neglected to mention, namely in the second half. Some of the lines, I’d say, were even brilliant. The dialogue flowed very well, like regular high schoolers talking, save for the DEEP inner monologue bits, but those were still appropriate. It doesn’t look like another group is going to be doing this OVA, so you’re pretty much stuck with Commie, though that isn’t a bad thing in this case. You’ll be pissed, but it won’t be at the subs.
What I didn’t like:
The show. Seriously. My heart. Okay, there were a couple hiccups, and some lines could’ve been worded differently, but nothing was wrong, nor did anything jolt me out of the experience. Was I blinded by the rage? Possibly.
Overall Grade: 5 more years until the manga ends and they live happily ever after… out of 5.