Script Review: [Tsumiki] Acchi Kocchi – 01v2 This entry was posted by brainchild.
There’s a new entry in the list of stupid joints. This time, it’s for Acchi Kocchi. Are four groups better than one? Let’s find out together!
Take a picture. It'll last longer than this release.
r/a/ge level: 10/100. They have a Japanese name, specifically the main character’s, so that has to count for something, right? Having honorifics and not translating tsundere are also pluses for /a/.
Honorifics, check. Eastern/Spoken name order, check. Romaji, kanji, and English lyrics, triple check!
He’s not exactly on the bike right now. This could’ve been something like, “Io-san, you rode your bike today?”
Comma before “everyone.”
Stiff and awkward, like your first time. Amirite? It doesn’t really lead into the next line either.
So, “Not many people are capable of such a feat.”
This was actually pretty funny. Although, the first line should be “That’s… That’s nude!”
Earth should be capitalized.
Once again, these lines don’t really make much sense. I think Tsumiki’s line should be “Don’t expect much from her.” This would actually lead into the next joke.
Rowdy? Really?
“U-Um, you’re being too loud, Io-kun!”
“D-Don’t talk in class!”
And so on.
“That” should be emphasized. Or better yet, this could’ve been a joke. Just imagine Mayoi saying, “Now that’s stretching it.” Oh, man, I kill myself.
New sentence? Capitalize the first letter.
Content? Really? What’s wrong with “happy”? Once again, please make sure your editors are native English or actually interact with real people.
Oh, “cats and dogs” sounds better, too, but that’s just me.
“… is acting up …”
I guess this is minor, but would “You’re one to talk” be such a hard change to make?
I actually wanted to suggest this line in Commie’s release. This was a pretty good line in a sea of mediocrity.
“They’re multiplying!” “More party members?!”
Lame.
“Yeah, now that you mention it…”
Accidentally a word?
“Party” instead of “fight” sounds so much more natural.
Not really instant KO since she did stuff before. Honestly, this whole fighting game exchange is completely inferior to Commie’s, and I didn’t even realize how good Commie handled this until watching Tsumiki’s release.
I have to give Tsumiki some props. From context, any viewer should be able to ascertain the definition of tsundere. But then again… I guess that was the show creator’s doing.
“So it’s a tie.”
“You two” could stand to be emphasized. And this is a rhetorical question, too, so… yeah…
What I liked:
Everything was understandable. Some lines were great, which I pointed out, but they were few and far in between.
+ I understood everything!
What I didn’t like:
Awkward, awkward, awkward. This is pretty much the textbook example of generic and literal J-to-E translations. No one actually sounds like they’re in high school. There were so many stupid-sounding lines that I didn’t bother to screenshot them all, e.g., “Be more worried about her.” Like, really? The only way you’d think this release was good would be if you were brought up on this broken English. Still, this is about average when it comes to fansubs.
From my review of Commie’s release, “The dialogue in this anime isn’t exactly difficult to improve if you’ve ever attended high school…” Yeah… I guess this show is harder than I anticipated.
– Stiff translations
– Poor phrase choices
– Elementary-school level mistakes
Overall Grade: 3 moeblobs… out of 5.
Credits:
TL: escro, w0lf, Akarui_Ame
TLC: lygerzero0zero, Yumirose
Editors: TsunTsun, Imako, Kagecode
Quality Checkers: Kagecode, Imako
Typesetting: Squiggy, dae, lygerzero0zero
Encoding: EienShouko
Timing: lunr
Distro/Release:Kagecode, Squiggy, EienShouko
For posterity, here are the credits they posted for episode 2. So many people, yet so much incompetence!
Thanks, we’ll make some of these changes in our batch. Also: http://i.imgur.com/YRe2E.jpg
“us five” -> “we five”. I’m surprised you didn’t catch that one, I’ve been kicking myself over it for a week.
I’d probably change it to “the five of us”.
I did notice it. I figured that was unintentional, but I didn’t mention it because high schoolers do talk like that. There were plenty of minor changes I’d make if I were actually editing the show, but I elected not to bother, or the review would be twice as long. As a result, I simply summarized the main point at the end: Make the characters sound like high schoolers.
Edit: You can have intentional “mistakes” in a script, if it’s appropriate for the character. I don’t expect perfect grammar from high schoolers, just natural dialogue. Maybe if the principal was talking would I nitpick proper grammar, but even that depends on the situation.
It’s okay. I somehow managed to leave a “Tsukimi” in Commie’s ep1 script despite reading it over like 3 times. Don’t QC at 6am after being awake for the last 25 hours straight, kids.