Script Review: [rori] Natsuiro Kiseki – 01 This entry was posted by brainchild.
An all-female cast? Cue my undying hatred for Natsuiro Kiseki!
Yes, they are flying.
r/a/ge level: 10/100. To /a/, rori is the ideal subbing group.
Honorifics. K-timed romaji and English lyrics for the opening. The ending/insert song has romaji and English lyrics but no k-timing.
I don’t usually comment on typesetting, but this felt so out of place. The gradient actually goes from bottom left to top right. Good job, typesetter.
If the “Daily Best” is a website or a magazine, it should be italicized. If it’s like the Billboard Top 100, then it doesn’t. I can’t really tell from this line alone, so it’s all good.
“Timeslot” isn’t a word; it’s “time slot.” This is also an example of the inner-weeaboo creeping in.
Personally, I’d say something like, “Maybe they just haven’t gotten a chance to perform (or, go on TV) lately.” But still, the original works for the most part.
Is rori pregnant? Because they just missed a period! (Dohohoho.)
“You haven’t been coming … to club” sounds derp. How about “You haven’t been coming to morning practice or the club meetings”?
People don’t say “second years.” You should just call them “eighth graders.” A true weeaboo would know eighth grade is the second year of middle school. I’m just kidding (sorta). I can accept this line, even if people don’t normally say it.
This isn’t aligned correctly. I suppose proper linear perspective is hard to achieve.
Oh, man. This reminds me of Tsumiki’s release of Acchi Kocchi. Rori’s been better with it, but this line stands out. “You could’ve told me!” is what normal people say.
Shit… That was close.
“That was a good game!” or “Good game!” or “GG, GG!” Japaaaaaaan!!
Okay, this wasn’t a big deal.
“… we’d become …”
Doesn’t really need a comma.
Rori’s editor has some aversion to contracting “would” or something. Why? It’s not like it’s “had” or something.
Show titles should be italicized. The episode title should be in quotes.
What I liked:
All the characters had appropriate lines for middle schoolers or mothers of middle schoolers. No one suddenly whipped out a thesaurus and whatnot. Most of the time, they spoke like real people. I’m running out of nice things to say because I hate the show so much, which is why I don’t have screenshots of scenes I enjoyed. I guess if you like this kind of show, you’ll like rori’s release.
+ Great dialogue for the most part
+ Captures the bitchiness of the characters. I really feel like I can hate these characters! Just like real middle school girls!
+ Italicized inner monologue!
What I didn’t like:
There were several mistakes from a lack of knowledge and QUARITY QC. Not to mention, the script veers from fairly liberal interpretations to so literal it hurts sometimes. Other times, there’s a mix within sentences, which is jarring.
– Derps
– Occasionally stiff and awkward
– The show sucks
Overall Grade: 4 magical middle school lolis… out of 5.
Yuki likes dick in his animes.
;D