Not Red Reviews

There are a few things worth mentioning in regard of yesterday’s episode of Nisemonogatari. Be warned: this post is not safe for work.

 

The fun starts in the very first scene, because Kanbaru is reading a book. Most of the time we try to typeset everything possible, because of the epeen we care about all the small details, but this time it was just not doable. Even in the 1080p HorribleSubs release, the text was so blurry that I couldn’t make out some of the characters, and if that wasn’t enough, it’s written in quite old Japanese (early 19th century style), and I simply don’t know some of the grammar that shows up. I get the basic idea of what’s going on, but I rather wouldn’t try translating it. The book is a text-only version of some of Hokusai‘s most famous (erotic) stories, but sadly I could only find one of them translated to English, and that one isn’t even visible except for the title.

The book has a few separate stories in it apparently. From the very first one, only the title is visible, but it’s enough to guess what it’s about. Well, if you can ignore the amazing neck of Kanbaru in the middle of the screen. (Sorry, Kanbaru fanboy writing.) The title of the story might be familiar to you: The Dream of the Fisherman’s Wife (海女と蛸の話 ama to tako no hanashi, lit. Story of the shell diver girl and the octopus). You don’t know it? Well…

Yep, it’s a story of a woman getting raped by an octopus, one of the first tentacle porn stories. Now you get a basic idea of what kind of a book is Kanbaru reading. The rest of the pages aren’t any better. For those interested in what the pages say, let me copy the translation from the wiki page I linked above:

OCTOPUS MAXIMUS: My wish comes true at last, this day of days; finally I have you in my grasp! Your “bobo” is ripe and full, how wonderful! Superior to all others! To suck and suck and suck some more. After we do it masterfully, I’ll guide you to the Dragon Palace of the Sea God and envelop you. “Zuu sufu sufu chuu chuu chuu tsu zuu fufufuuu…”
MAIDEN: You hateful octopus! Your sucking at the mouth of my womb makes me gasp for breath! Aah! yes… it’s…there!!! With the sucker, the sucker!! Inside, squiggle, squiggle, oooh! Oooh, good, oooh good! There, there! Theeeeere! Goood! Whew! Aah! Good, good, aaaaaaaaaah! Not yet! Until now it was I that men called an octopus! An octopus! Ooh! Whew! How are you able…!? Ooh! “yoyoyooh, saa… hicha hicha gucha gucha, yuchuu chuu guzu guzu suu suuu…”
OCTOPUS MAXIMUS: All eight limbs to interwine with!! How do you like it this way? Ah, look! The inside has swollen, moistened by the warm waters of lust. “Nura nura doku doku doku…”
MAIDEN: Yes, it tingles now; soon there will be no sensation at all left in my hips. Ooooooh! Boundaries and borders gone! I’ve vanished….!
OCTOPUS MINIMUM: After daddy finishes, I too want to rub and rub my suckers at the ridge of your furry place until you disappear and then I’ll suck some more. “chuu chuu…”

This story isn’t so easy to find. Even though most of text is visible, some of the kanji are unrecognizable because of the blur and again I’m faced with Edo era grammar that I have no idea about. I tried looking on the net for the title, which roughly translates to Introduction: The story of man and his many wives (発端、沢山室有助夫婦の話 hottan, takusan shitsu-ari-suke fuufu no hanashi – I’m a bit uncertain about the reading here), but to no avail. 室 shitsu usually means room, but it can also mean wife, and I think that in this context the latter fits better. Once upon a time there was a very rich man who lived in a very lewdly named village (the country name (淫州 inshuu) would translate to Lewdland, and the village’s name has thighs (股 momo) in it too), and he engaged in many pleasures with his 23 wives all the time, night and day. The text goes detailing what kind of stuff they were doing and how. Then one of the girls got pregnant, so they did it from behind. She hoped that the man would be happy with the child, but he wasn’t. Then there’s something about the village judging someone. I really suck at old Japanese, so if you can identify more of the kanji or translate it, don’t hold back. I tried typing in the text (marked the missing kanji with question marks).

発端、沢山室有助夫婦の話
ここに淫州素股郡？村という里に、沢山室有助とて、大金持ちの腎張りあり。女房はおすけとて、二十三の中、けく、目の寄るところへ玉が寄る。夜昼なしのしつづけ。なに不足のなき身代にて、よがり薬は勿論、肥後ずき、輪の玉、海鼠の輪、姫泣き、跡形、オランダ秘伝？？香という煎き物にて、大よがりによがらせ、淫水を弄りだし、酒にくわしてこれを飲み、長寿台にかからせ、牛の角にひとしきへのこにて、下より上へ、右に突き左へもじり、上六、下三の廻しの腰、すかりゝと突きまわせば、女房は手足もなえ、夢中になっての高よがり。有助も雁ぎわより喰いしめられる心地よさ。
夫婦は七転八倒して、ひいゝ、すうゝ、思わずも二人一度に、がはゝどくゝと気をやれば、湯の如き淫水あふれて、尻をぬめらせ、二人が生えぎわは経師室の鵝毛にひとしく、互いに大汗になってひと息つきしは、気の悪きありさまなり。
この時よりも、女房おすけはただならぬお腹になりしが、ますゝ？？？なく取りのめし、もはや六月めからは後ろよりおっぱめ、あしらい？？？気づくまでやらかして、道をつけたる？によって、玉の子のような？？？産みければ、有助が喜び大方ならず、名をおさねと呼びて、夫婦が？？？かたならず、ますゝほほすること、日頃にまさりしと、その里の評判々々。

 

Then Kanbaru starts turning pages. There’s not enough text visible to make it coherent, but it’s surely some kind of erotic story as well. The first one has couple of telling sound effects (ah-ah), and the second features the same poor soldier as Otsubi’s tale later. Just the girl here is called Mouse (ねずみ nezumi), and I couldn’t find anything about her.

Then here is the story of Otsubi. It’s a series of erotic pictures by Hokusai, and most of the text is readable. But then again, because of the few too blurry kanji and the oldfag grammar, I only have a rough idea of what’s going on at all. There was a very poor soldier, and he had a 13-year-old daughter called Otsubi. She probably worked on the cotton fields or something like that. Then I think his father might have sold her, and she got raped. There is a quite detailed and I guess poetic description of the act. But it hurt her a lot, and it wouldn’t get any better no matter how she rubbed her aching parts with sacred waters or herbs. I think that her mother locked her away when she found out about the disgrace, but then again some young man or soldier finds her and of course takes her. She complains it hurts, to which the man uses the typical line of “don’t worry, it only hurts at first, then it’ll get better”. He then pushes her head down, to pleasure him with her mouth. I’ve found a Japanese blog with some pictures of the original. Again I typed in as much of the Japanese as I could, if you can improve it, don’t hesitate.

おつびの話
さて、食わぬ屋貧兵衛が娘おつびは、はや十三の春のこと、貧しき親の肩休めとて、さる方へ守奉公、小取廻しに、
継ぎはきしたる木綿のお冷え、竹鼻緒の流し下駄、手束ねの島田髷、木綿の帝の幅せまく、見るかげもなき風情なれど、くっきりとして目もと張りよく、どこやらうまき尻つきに、近所の小者二人、言いあわせて、お壺を買いに味噌漉しを持ってゆくところを、傍らのつび番へ引きずり込み、情けなくも、手どり足どり、無理無休。
まだ何毛のふっくりとしためめっこを、赤ったり唾をつけたり、馬にしとしき努いの大まらを、せきにせいて突っ込めば、アレ、アアゝ、痛いゝと乗りでるを、どっこい押さえて動かせず、ひとり気をやってしまえば、またひとりが、入れかわっての長まらにて、なんの会釈もあらばちの勘が？なく、おくをゝと突きまわされて、かわいやおつびは涙はらゝ、是非もなく、痛いやら苦しいやら、二度されて居敷股になり、泣き顔をかかえて豆腐やへ行ったが、めめっこが紫色にはれあがり、手水が沁みて切ないゆえ三七という草を揉んでつけても、いかな事、しだいに傷んで寝つかれず、是非なくお暇(?)をもらいに家に帰って、右のわけ、母は不憫いやまして、その身の新鉢の？きを心得、油壺、？にしめして、めめっこへ挟ませ、当分、おかしな歩みぶり。
思いもよらぬ無体な事にて、水揚げやら、切ないやら、ひょんな目にあいけるは是非も次第なり。母のおさせが思いやりしは、貧兵衛が大まらを初めて受けしときは余程痛かったとみえます。
小者「情けねえ、どうしてこれが堪忍なるものか、その代わりには、給金端には柿を買ってやるわ、フぅぅウゝ、アア、イイゝ」
女「痛いよゝゝゝ、アアレゝ、人殺しゝ、ヘエエ痛えよー」
小者「コレ、姉、どうで、初めては痛えものだ、ちょっとの間だ、辛抱しろ、エエ、いい子だ、下れ」（口チュッゝ）
女「エエ、汚い、ベッゝゝ」

 

It says “30kg on the Moon”. That’s the 180kg she mentions. The Moon’s gravity is just 16.7% of the Earth’s. Calculate the rest.

   

The first of the above is a Neon Genesis Evangelion reference. Tokyo-3 (第三新東京市 dai-san shin-toukyou shi) is pinned on the map. The second one has a Star Trek-style spaceship flying in the background. Might as well be the Enterprise. The third one is the usual homage so Sugiura Shigeru. The fourth one isn’t a reference, I just agree with Koyomi that he wouldn’t let Karen chop off his member.

This is a scene from Nausicaä. It’s even in the trailer.

Enter one of our new characters, Kagenui Yozuru (影縫余弦 kagenui yodzuru), whose name translates into Shadow-Stitcher Cosine. Yeah, the trigonometric function. Also, there is a children’s book by Michael Ende, called Die Schattennähmaschine, which also translates into “shadow-sewer machine”. She calls Koyomi “brute boy” (鬼畜なお兄やん kichikuna oniiyan), referring to the demon living inside his shadow (not to mention the first kanji in kichiku is “demon” 鬼 oni). She also seems to sense Karen’s connection to the flame-wreathe bee, calling her Koyomi’s hornet sister (雀蜂の妹 suzumebachi no imouto). Not to mention she’s looking for Oshino. Also, she talks in a really thick Kansai accent (to be exact, the Kyoto dialect). She’s cool.

The Eikou Cram School (叡考塾 eikou-juku) was the closed building that served as Oshino’s base. In the Eikou the first character means “intelligence”, and the second is the character for “thinking”. It’s a really smart-sounding name.

This scene of Kagenui jumping around in this surreal scenery might be a reference to some certain artist, but I couldn’t find anything relevant.

 

Remember the next episode previews in Bakemonogatari? Same style.

This time Hachikuji calls Koyomi Kikilala (キキララさん kikirara-san). It’s the name of the little twin sisters Kiki and Lala, the mascot figures of the brand Sanrio.

She calls herself well-endowed (メリハリボディー merihari bodii). Arguable.

 

The sign in the foreground says failure as a human, or no longer human (人間失格 ningen shikkaku). This is the title of a book by Osamu Dazai, who is the guy on the second picture.

The text on the sign (乾拭き karabuki) means “wipe dry”. What a lovely thing for Hachikuji to say.

Enter the other new character. Her name is Ononoki Yotsugi (斧乃木余接), which translates to Axe-Wood Cotangent. Yeah, her name’s characters are the name of another trigonometric function. What a pair. She talks really weird, I guess you could call it reported speech. She adds “said I, with a posed face” to every sentence, as if it was from a book. She also uses the first person pronoun boku (僕), that usually boys use. Her face moves so little it creeps me out. She also correctly identifies Koyomi as a demon (鬼のお兄ちゃん oni no oniichan) and Hachikuji as a snail. This time Koyomi finally realizes that something’s off.

This entry was posted by Vale.