Script Review: [Vivid] Namiuchigiwa no Muromi-san – 01 [04AAE0FA].mkv (Muromi-san on the Shore on the Cliff by the Sea) This entry was posted by brainchild.
Vivid is a cool group and is in no way related to every decent group you love, hate, love to hate, and hate to love.
This show is so fucking unrealistic. Unless Muromi is a complete slut who enjoys having shit in her mouth, this scene is just an abomination of writing. Studio whatever (too lazy to look this up) should be ashamed.
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Not even through the opening, and we already have a mistake. I don’t usually give a shit about song editing, though. My primary criterion is, does it make sense? Still, let’s just fix this up anyway.
The semicolon can be replaced with a colon with no additional changes. Yay!
If you’re cool, though, you can also say, “I’ll say it again, ‘We’re in big trouble.'” The final period is optional for song lyrics, but if you do include it, it must be within the quotes, regardless of British- or American-English style of quotes. The more you know! (There are some exceptions, but whatever, this isn’t a writing class.)
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Oh, okay. She is in pain. We’re all good.
Still, I gotta ask: How is “this’s” pronounced any different than “this is”?
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Love will save the world.
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Good job on differentiating how the characters speak–definitely the highlight of the subs. You can turn off the video, just read the subs, and still recognize each character.
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Emphasis too? I think we’ve got an S-tier panderer on our hands.
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“Fishes” is one correct way of pluralizing “fish,” but in American English, most people just say “fish.”
The whole “fish” is plural for the collective and “fishes” is for two or more kinds or species of fish thing is pointless. “Especially” doesn’t mean “always,” after all.
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Aw, so close. If only “now” had been emphasized. Then I really would’ve been impressed.
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I chuckled at this scene. It probably wasn’t intentional, but it really reminded me of Polar Bear’s Cafe. The whole “useless idiot blushing and trying to act uguu~” thing is just so funny to me. Good stuff!
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Wow, that was eyeopening. I had no idea other people should be able to enjoy things I don’t.
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Maybe add a “now” in between “her” and “that.” No biggie, though.
Now this show just seems like allegory for the anime fandom. Clearly, Muromi represents the elusive, unobtainable “waifu” everyone so desires, and Takkun (I don’t remember his full name) is the loser otaku who’s lost control of his life.
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I like where this is going.
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Several ways -> more ways than one. Get -> catch. Putting that all together, you get “I was knockin’ on Heaven’s door in more ways than one, if you catch my drift.”
Other than that, this line is funny for multiple reasons. First, “knockin’ on Heaven’s door” typically refers to near-death experience; in this case, Muromi is being stung by jellyfish. Second, it’s also a double entendre about masturbating and orgasming. That much should be obvious. Finally, “drift” is a nice pun on the whole underwater-theme of the show.
But wait! There’s more! If you go with my change, you also get another pun; this time, it’s about fishing. Man, I love English.
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I only know what I know. C’mon, guys. It’s all about that referential humor!
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Let’s try this again. This time, with Levibrush.
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What are you, a faggot?
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TL;DR? It’s good.
What I liked:
- Good dialogue
- Good character differentiation
- Good characterization
What I didn’t like:
- A few minor things could be improved upon, but good overall
Nah, fuck you, the fishes and stuff are a nice touch, imo. I wouldn’t want Muromi speakin’ too normally. I agree for “catch my drift”, tho. More puns are always good.
You are retarded.