Script Review: [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu – 01

Anime-Koi Awesome Show, Great Job!

cancer

It’s like I’m really back in 2006.

f/a/ggotry: 4/5 – Pretty faggy. Honorifics included; English translation, transliteration, and k-timing for the opening and ending theme; “Anime-Koi presents” bullshit. The only way this could’ve been faggier would be if they included an exorbitant number of translation notes.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_00.13_[2013.02.04_07.57.00] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_00.15_[2013.02.04_07.57.16]

Some surprisingly natural background dialogue coming from a group called “Anime-Koi.” I expected worse, but this is actually okay so far.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_00.58_[2013.02.04_07.58.35]

Man, you just know everyone in that club is a complete casual who hasn’t even reached level 90 yet.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.15_[2013.02.04_08.00.40]

I’m not a typesetter, but that sign looks really off. There’s a clearly in-focus white border to the font in addition to the blurry luminescence.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.22_[2013.02.04_09.08.14] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.28_[2013.02.04_08.01.18][Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.30_[2013.02.04_08.01.25] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.35_[2013.02.04_09.05.44] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.37_[2013.02.04_08.01.42] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.39_[2013.02.04_08.01.47]

I can’t even tell if that’s literally what Kyoya says or not, but it was great. The president’s lines and Kyoya’s just fit together really well. The whole scene with them going back and forth was just really entertaining.

I bet you thought I’d hate this release, didn’t you? Well, I thought would too, but I really don’t. I tried, but I just can’t.

<brainchild> okay this first scene in gj-bu is actually kinda funny
<[Person#1]> gj-bu has a really nice character design
<brainchild> i’m not a fan of heugeyes
<[Person#1]> but the :3 faces
<[Person#1]> http://randomc.net/image/GJ-bu/GJ-bu%20-%2001%20-%20Large%2011.jpg
<[Person#1]> also dat hair
<brainchild> who’s tling this for anime-koi?
<brainchild> or editing it?
<brainchild> i’m pretty impressed
<[Person#1]> no idea, i’m watching evetaku
<[Person#1]> is anime-koi really good?
<brainchild> they’re weird
<[Person#1]> huh
<brainchild> they go from so literal it hurts to super liberal interpretations
<brainchild> er, by super liberal, i mean natural dialogue
* [Persona#2] ([redacted]) has joined #[redacted]
<brainchild> and dammit, i thought this girl was aoi yuuki
<[Person#1]> evetaku’s editing for this show is quite boring
<[Person#1]> not what i expected
<brainchild> i came into this expecting to hate the show and subs, but… i just can’t
<brainchild> oh no… i’m enjoying things
<[Person#2]> What show?
<brainchild> gj-bu
<[Person#2]> It was kinda funny here and there
<[Person#1]>  ep 4 has hamster cosplay
<[Person#2]>  That was adorable

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.48_[2013.02.04_08.02.55]

Of course, my fun can’t last because one second later is this gem of a literal translation. Seriously, you probably know exactly what she said without even hearing the audio.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.57_[2013.02.04_08.04.15] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_03.59_[2013.02.04_08.04.21]

The first line definitely could’ve been spiced up to match Orange’s reaction.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_05.09_[2013.02.04_08.06.08] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_05.11_[2013.02.04_08.07.10]

And we’re back with the decent dialogue! I’m probably prejudiced and expected Anime-Koi to just use generic stock phrases at every opportunity, but they’re doing a good job mixing it up (see: first line). Unfortunately, their editor needs to learn how to use contractions.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_05.33_[2013.02.04_08.07.51] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_05.39_[2013.02.04_08.08.42]

She really does say onee-san here. (Or something similar. I’m not gonna check.) I heard it in the back of my mind, but it didn’t click until I checked out vale’s review. It really is an important piece of information to connect the characters, so the introductory episode, maybe it’s okay to use “my sister.”

I always appreciate the effort when it comes to emphasizing certain words in subtitles, but it really doesn’t work here. Try reading the line aloud, and you’ll understand that it doesn’t read like it should for Miss Proper Pink-hair. The lines are fine otherwise.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.14_[2013.02.04_08.13.28] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.18_[2013.02.04_08.13.34] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.20_[2013.02.04_08.13.38] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.24_[2013.02.04_08.13.59]

It was going so well until I reached the last line here.

“‘Barely’ isn’t good enough,” or “‘Barely’ doesn’t cut it,” assuming you want to keep barely.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.26_[2013.02.04_08.14.04] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.29_[2013.02.04_08.14.11]

So cute. But that last comma probably shouldn’t be there.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.49_[2013.02.04_08.14.36]

Yes.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_06.51_[2013.02.04_08.14.52]

This girl reminds me of Kurimu from Seizon. She’s just as cute.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_07.34_[2013.02.04_08.15.53] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_07.38_[2013.02.04_08.16.01]

“Doesn’t that mean you’re an amazing chess player, / since you get to play against someone as good as him?”

Using gerunds in the way shown above is generally really awkward. You have to have some native-level intuition or have been exposed to a lot conversation. Crunchyroll has a problem of doing this too, and it’s really annoying because most of my time is spent rewriting these shitty lines. Maybe I should be appreciative, since they’re creating jobs with their terrible writing. How else would I earn my $200 a month donation money?

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_07.49_[2013.02.04_08.16.37] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_07.57_[2013.02.04_08.16.49]

First line is kinda meh. I get what it’s saying, but the way it’s phrased doesn’t really make sense. It could be that anime writers are just that good and think someone would totally make a promise to play chess after her friend became the world champion.

The second line is much better at setting Purple-hair apart from everyone else. You can kind of tell she’s got some upbringing from this line alone.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_09.12_[2013.02.04_08.18.26] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_09.17_[2013.02.04_08.18.36]

Genius is like the lamest literal translation ever. You guys can do better than that.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_10.02_[2013.02.04_08.19.37]

Even I heard ani-tachi here, and my hearing is shit. I’m not really judging translation accuracy, though. The bigger problem is here is that MOTHER FUCKING GERUND. FUCK. STOP USING THEM IF YOU DON’T KNOW WHEN THEY READ LIKE SHIT. FUCK.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_10.20_[2013.02.04_08.20.40] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_10.23_[2013.02.04_08.20.46] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_10.25_[2013.02.04_08.20.51][Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_10.27_[2013.02.04_08.20.54]

“You’re supposed to cook it in hot water!”

Submerge is technically what you’re supposed to do, but not really how you’d tell someone how to do it.

 [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_11.01_[2013.02.04_08.32.12]

This is the part where I skip a couple minutes because of the disgusting spider on screen.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_13.48_[2013.02.04_08.25.33]

pls stahp

This part was pretty cute.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_13.54_[2013.02.04_08.25.44] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_13.56_[2013.02.04_08.26.13]

I don’t… What? These lines are completely illogical.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_13.58_[2013.02.04_08.26.17]

Yes, it really was.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_16.02_[2013.02.04_08.29.28] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_16.24_[2013.02.04_08.29.48] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_16.31_[2013.02.04_08.29.57]

God, this scene is so fucking cute.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_16.57_[2013.02.04_08.30.57]

It’s too bad because with this one line, the show pretty much saved everyone from having to do a translation note or something equally stupid here.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_17.10_[2013.02.04_08.35.51] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_17.12_[2013.02.04_08.35.57]

Yummy. Also, dat fang.

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_19.54_[2013.02.04_08.40.29] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_19.55_[2013.02.04_08.40.32] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_19.56_[2013.02.04_08.40.36] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_19.59_[2013.02.04_08.40.14]

Once again, things were doing great until you get to this final line. I can’t say I’ve heard anyone use “train of thought” that way. If you really want something idiomatic, try “in the same vein,” which means “in the same style or category.”

[Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_22.53_[2013.02.04_08.43.10] [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu - 01v2 [h264-720p][A3346038].mkv_snapshot_22.54_[2013.02.04_08.43.14]

Okay.jpg


TL;DR? It’s surprisingly okay.

Like I said earlier, I came into this fully expecting to hate the show and subs, but left pleasantly surprised. Despite a couple mistranslations, things always made sense, and I never had to stop and say, “Wat,” until the next episode preview. I’m not sure if it was because the show was so entertaining, but despite the number of problems I pointed out in this release, I really enjoyed the release. It was pretty good for an up and coming group. They did a good job (huehuehuehue) differentiating the characters through dialogue. However, I must still recommend that they either get a better editor or make their current one put more effort into the script.

This entry was posted by brainchild.

4 thoughts on “Script Review: [Anime-Koi] GJ-bu – 01

  1. ..I’ve seen the expression “train of thought” used in writing before, but not spoken or written with “along that t…” or “on that t…”. 🙂 You’d say “I lost my train of thought”, or “Picking up on that train of thought(s)/that reasoning”. Or even “following that train of thought”, or “going along with that train of thought”.

    But I’ve never heard of anyone sitting in, or “on a train of thought”, even if that actually makes kind of sense when I think about it..

    In the same way, you wouldn’t naturally say “and on that subject” in that situation. And if you did say it anyway, you wouldn’t actually refer to the subject, but usually pick up on a specific word from the previous sentence, more than the actual subject. So while “On that subject” would be more frequently used in real life, it wouldn’t actually be correct English in that specific situation.

    “In the same vein” also misses the mark, because the phrase is not a reference to something the character says themselves. She isn’t deliberating on Kyoro’s plainness as a subject, but the naming convention someone else mentioned. It’d be the same as breaking off someone talking about the bus never arriving at the stop, and saying: “in the same vein, you’re really late for school, right?”. Makes no sense. “On that subject….” might flow better, but also isn’t technically correct – you notice that when you’re not a native speaker yourself…

    At best it would be “Speaking of which…” – but depending on the actual word not being possible to use as an object, that would sound stilted, because neither “plainness” or “time” is an object we’re speaking of.

    So while “on that subject” can be used, you either hear overly correct English speakers say: “And on the subject of X”, specifically as a segue. Or they would simply go with “Speaking of x”, before making the connection more casually, that then develops into a punctuation. Because with the first one, “on the subject of..”, that itself becomes the focus in the sentence. On the second, you’re not referencing the word itself, while the next sentence would.

    I don’t know what the characters actually say, but I’m guessing that “On/along that train of thought” actually is closer to what she means – and says, as well as the option that actually sounds best out of all the wrong choices :p

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