Script/typesetting review: [COOL] Tamayura ~More Aggressive~ – 01 This entry was posted by herkz.
I don’t really know anything about this group, but I have to watch episode 1 somehow.
we’ll->we’d. Also, they don’t have italics for narration 🙁
I would combine this into one sentence with either a comma or colon.
Just because the Japanese sentence order is like that doesn’t mean you have to put it that way. It’d work much better as “I’ve been to this town full of warmth and kindness many times since I was a kid.”
Heaven is a proper noun.
Who seriously though “More Aggressive” was a good subtitle for an anime?
I don’t think tildes work that way in English.
You should probably put a question mark at the end and you should definitely put a comma before “right”.
I feel like quitting already, three minutes in. Also, that alternate style is horrible. Just use \an8, please.
Yeah, she’s retarded.
“The day she came back to Takehara after a really long time to take her entrance exams.” No high school girl would every say “very long while”.
Don’t really need “I thought” in this sentence.
Why do people put a comma there like that. I’d also change it to “So you’re saying I haven’t grown up at all?”
was really->really was
No need for the “but”. She isn’t responding to the previous line, at least not how it’s translated anyway.
“The more I thought about it, the more worried I became.”
“I even worried about how I should greet you.”
Is there an echo in here? “Really? That sounds so cute!”
Translating “tsun”? Whoa guys, settle down over there. The translation is pretty not good, though.
Not sure why they translate “tsun” but not “moe”.
Nice timing fail.
“But you actually had.”
No italics for thoughts either? Is there even any italics in this release? Also holy shit, AT-X is a bad station.
Using alright is not all right.
You can say “death”, you know?
I don’t think “mon” is an honorific, so you can get rid of the dash.
Putting “hm” all the time when they aren’t really pausing to think is pretty annoying.
Many other what? I’m guessing things or memories.
“So we all remember, huh?”
People say “uh” or “um” when they’re thinking, not “ah”.
This line is horrible. What the hell were they even going for? I guess they thought they needed to keep the “more aggressive” from the title, but this is just a word salad.
They correctly had this as “ten minutes” earlier 🙁
Why does one have a dash and one does not?
This is very misleading, since it makes you think “ever since what?” when in reality the line is supposed to be “Yeah. Fuu-nyon’s always been like that.”
You’re making me cry.
How about “You’re right” or “That’s true” or something? Fuck.
Anyway, I’m stopping after the first half of the episode. Fuck this shit.
The “More Aggressive” could be bolder.
This font doesn’t even remotely match the original. Also, the square brackets don’t exist in English.
I don’t even. Why does this have a border? The font is terrible, too.
This should be way darker.
They could do much worse, I guess.
This is acceptable.
Copying the “More Aggressive” from before was apparently too hard.
Editing: 2/5. This is not a very hard show yet there are so many errors. I mean, I don’t expect perfection for episode one, but still.
Typesetting: C-. Not very good, but it’s mostly there and some parts are okay.
Timing: We scene bleedin’.