Script Review: [UTW-Mazui] Toaru Kagaku no Railgun S – 01 [720p][C8FB4B0A].mkv This entry was posted by brainchild.
History’s strongest fansubbing groups–UTW and Mazui–have come together to deliver you this electrifying new season of Railgun! Set sail for adventure!
I know a lot of typesetters want to pander to herkz nowadays, but this is going overboard. The title is waaaay too blurry.
Saten is an idiot. When you are being chased, the last thing you want to do is go into a secluded area? I can’t expect too much, though, because this is the same idiot who took Level Upper and caused everyone a bunch of shit.
Think about how often you use the word “yes” in conversation. It’s probably very rare. Thus, it should also be rare in subs. “Yes” has a strong sound to it that is very final. Typically, you’ll want to substitute in “yeah” or something else entirely.
Even here, when the situation is very tense, Uiharu’s response to Saten is very stilted. It’s more likely she’d say, “Okay, okay. Just give me a sec.”
This is pretty minor, but anyone who’s seen a cop movie knows that this isn’t how the cops introduce themselves or assert their authoritah. It’s always “This is the LAPD!” (“the” optional), “We’re with the LAPD!” or something like that.
In this case, I could see Kuroko saying, “We’re with Judgment.”
<brainchild> >you are hereby arrested
<brainchild> #1 editing
<brainchild> kusion needs to watch rush hour or something
<brainchild> get that police terminology right
<Futsuu> inb4 he watches it and picks jackie chan’s lines and not chris tucker’s
I started this episode with such high hopes. I obviously don’t want to be biased, but UTW-Mazui isn’t making it easy for me with lines like these. This is getting out of “pretty minor, so I could forgive this” territory and approaching “Do you even English?”
The correct way is “You are under arrest for attempted assault.”
Seriously, if any leecher had seen Rush Hour, they’d know what’s up.
I’m tempted to forgive UTW-Mazui for their past transgression, since their editor used such a nice contraction here. S-tier pandering, yo.
Never mind. Why is “you would” contracted but “I would” is not?
More importantly, the line also just sucks. It kinda makes it sound like it’s yesterday’s actions, which it obviously couldn’t be.
So, “I’d appreciate it if you’d kindly refrain from acting as recklessly as you did yesterday.”
“It was like one shot, one kill!”
You know, something people actually say. This is going to be a common theme throughout the review. There wouldn’t be so many problems if the editor knew conversational English or some pop culture.
A few minutes later, valerauko brought an error in my suggestion to light:
<valerauko> >“It was like one shot, one kill!”
<valerauko> but it was like
<valerauko> one shot
<valerauko> 6 kill
<brain> good point
<brain> “It was like a hexakill!”
<brain> is that better?
<valerauko> or wait
<valerauko> actually [there’s] only 5 of them
<valerauko> so it’s a proper PENTA
I guess the editor didn’t go to school either, or he’d know schools typically assign you homework. Maybe they issue handbooks, textbooks, or uniforms, but I don’t know about homework.
“It was just an off-the-cuff remark.”
So it begins–the shitty, incorrect, and un-Ojou-sama-like use of common English phrases.
“Could it be a present for [emphasis added] a certain someone?”
File this under “things an English speaker should know.”
Okay, I’ll be nice and point out that UTW-Mazui occasionally uses italics to good effect.
“Your EM field puts such a damper on things.”
Ah, physics jokes. Note that “electro” is actually short for “electrotype,” which is most definitely not what is mentioned here. UTW-Mazui probably meant to combine the two words to create “electrobarrier” (hyphen optional).
What happened to the UTW I once knew and loved? 🙁
So I’ve seen the “Ojou-sama” line floating around, but it’s even worse in context. It would make sense if Uiharu was referring to their all-girls school as having an “Ojou-sama atmosphere,” but the city? I don’t think so.
“Into” -> “in with.”
This is why you hire editors who actually know English’s many subtleties.
Now I know no one who read the script goes out or has any friends. Just imagine this scenario:
You hear your doorbell rining.
“Who could it be?” you wonder. You open the door to see all your friends there, much to your surprise.
“Hello!” everyone screams.
“Everyone!” you respond.
Yeah, no. Banri would probably say, “You guys!” or “Wow, everyone’s here!”
Or if you had friend’s who’d (heh) been injured in a sport or something, you’d be more likely to ask, “Is that their physical therapy?”
At this point, it’s not even worth mentioning all the punctuation problems, but I’ll just post at least one. What’s that comma doing there after “the”? I don’t know. Ask the editor.
Thank you for not typesetting the last helpdesk, thus bringing undue attention to it. Shouldn’t’ve even bothered, or maybe look up a picture of an actual hospital.
<brainchild> >the fire alarm was sounded
<brainchild> i don’t even…
<jdp> a+ quality
<brainchild> you can sound alarms, yes, but there are things people specifically do to fire alarms…
<brainchild> >the cause for [the] alarm is still unknown
<brainchild> accidentally using a phrase with another meaning
<brainchild> truly A+
First of all, you typically “pull” fire alarms. Since this is some announcer lady, “trigger” would also work. Second of all, “cause for the alarm” sounds extremely similar to another common phrase in English, which is kind of a big deal. Third, the hospital staff is retarded.
The intercom lady’s line should’ve been “Something triggered the fire alarm, but nothing out of the ordinary has been reported yet. / What triggered the alarm is still under investigation.”
“We ask that all patients and visitors remain where they are […].”
More of that “Do you even English?” stuff. Raze is in med school, isn’t he? UTW-Mazui should’ve gotten him to QC these scenes.
But wait! There’s more! You can’t use a colon here!
Yes, this is what hardened criminals say to the police.
Radical wannabes? What? Like, radical Islamists? I don’t even know.
They also didn’t “lock themselves out.” That implies it was an accident, when they were obviously trying to lose the coppers.
[30 minutes later…]
<valerauko> they’re wannabe radicals
<valerauko> half-assed radicals
<brainchild> like… extremists?
In that case, “wannabe terrorists/extremists” would be the best replacement for all instances of “radical wannabes.”
They did it. They really did it. A+ JC Staff.
(It’s an “eeeeeeeeeehhhhh?!” with a pan up to the sky.)
What is consistency?
I was okay with Kusion/Ulrezaj editing, but Ulrezaj/Kusion QCing? Now you’ve gone too far.
More like, “I wonder what’s gonna happen next week!” We couldn’t even end on a good note. 🙁
TL;DR? It’s okay. Considering how valerauko almost passed our editing test (graded by yours truly), I would’ve rather had his unedited translation than this abomination. I’m usually pretty laid back nowadays when it comes to editing, but this release had way, way, way too many small things wrong with it that just really added up; that’s too bad, too, because tens of thousands of people are going to watch this release when they’d do better to wait for Funimation. Not to mention, vale’s work is completely going to waste.
Oh well. Their loss.
What I liked:
What I didn’t like:
- Many lines will feel off to any decent English speaker
- Mistakenly using phrases with alternative meanings in English
- Subpar grammar and punctuation
- Consistency problems